巅峰之作：成功问鼎普林斯顿大学

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　　姓名:J同学

　　录取结果：US News 2015 National Universities # 1 普林斯顿大学（EA）

　　毕业学校: International School in Beijing

　　GPA:4.10/4.0

　　TOEFL: NA

　　SAT: 2300

　　SAT II SAT 科目考试:

　　Literature 文学: 780

　　Biology-Molecular生物: 800

　　Math 数学2: 800

　　AP: NA

　　Activities/课外活动

　　Music 音乐: Instrumental-Solo Violinist小提琴独奏者 Instrumental-Concert Orchestra; Section Leader/Concert Master 交响乐团管弦乐；部门负责人/乐队首席

　　Debate/Speech 辩论/演讲: HS MUN; Pres. YA; GA 5; Secretary General模拟联合国；秘书长

　　Career Oriented 职业导向活动: Chengde Medical College Hospital; Intern Chengde医学院医院等。

　　Personal Statement/个人陈述:

　　J focused on how the violin provided an outlet for him to relax and escape from his hyper-analyzing self as the Music carried him away into another space.

　　J同学谈论了小提琴是如何使他放松的，如何将他从高度紧张的自我思考中带离，音乐将他带向了另外一个空间。

　　Counselor’s comments/顾问评语:

　　When I first met J and during our initial meetings, he clearly conveyed that he was not in need of any help in the college application process as he fully intended to build the perfect image he had carefully crafted in high school of a testing machine and analytical genius. He strove to maintain this facade during our first few meetings even as I explained that he needed to connect with the admissions officers on a personal level and that no one is perfect.

　　J’s first personal statement briefly highlighted pseudo-weaknesses in MUN before ending with a triumphant description of his success in this arena as he compared himself to a victorious gladiator. As I looked J in the eyes and explained that he was still hiding and that he needed to be honest with me and to show me his real thoughts and struggles that lay behind his stellar resume, he first looked away and defiantly claimed that he was being honest and that I was mistaken.

　　Only after heated discussion and several extended conversations where I prodded him to simply share his thoughts without pre-filtering everything he said did J display some of his fears, goals and passions. We used these discussions to craft a personal statement that focused on the details of his hyper-analyzing tendencies and recounted very personal examples. We scrapped the literary tropes that shrouded the illustration of J’s character as I challenged J to use his experiences to illustrate the character that lay behind his achievements. Although never one to overreact, I could hear the excitement in J’s voice as we discussed his hopes and dreams for his freshman year at Princeton.

　　我的申请是不需要协助的。这是J同学第一次见面时，他明确传达给我的信息。因为他已经打算在申请中呈现一个完美的自己：善于考试和天才般地分析能力，这两样是高中学习赋予他的。在最初的几次交谈中，他一直努力地维护着自己的优势，尽管我告诉他申请的时候应该展示自己的个性，人无完人。

　　J同学的第一篇个人陈述写的是他的模拟联合国活动，开篇简短地强调了一些自己的特点，看似弱点实为优点。结尾他非常得意地描述了自己在这个舞台上的成功，因为把自己比喻成一个凯旋的角斗士。我看着J的眼睛，告诉他仍然在隐藏，他应该开诚布公地向我展示他简历背后的真实的想法和挣扎。但是J同学把目光移到别处，并反抗说：“我就是很诚实的，你误会了！”

　　接下来一番激烈地讨论和深入的交谈，我试图刺激他不加过滤地说出自己的想法，这样J同学才肯说出了自己的一些恐惧，目标和兴趣爱好。接下来我们利用讨论出来的素材重新创作个人陈述，我们选用了非常个性化的事例，细节描述环节充分体现了J同学过人的分析能力。我们抛弃了那些掩盖了J同学性格的很书面的修辞，试图让他用经历去印证成就背后的人格。尽管J同学不动声色，当我们讨论他的心愿和梦想的时候，我已经听到了他语气中的兴奋。

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